R.I.P. Music
It has been mentioned on numerous occasions that certain genres of music are dead. Nas released an album and hit song titled “Hip Hop Is Dead”, former Misfits frontman Michale Graves did the same with punk rock, while countless other journalists and musicians have proclaimed at one point that every other genre has indeed been buried as well. But I am going to do everyone one better. I am going to top any claim that a specific genre has died. I am going to go on record and tell you…Music as a whole is dead. You heard it here first.
The music industry has been on a steady decline ever since the introduction of Napster (baw baw Metallica baw). The introduction of illegal downloading pissed record labels off. However, instead of deciding “hey, we could possibly use this to our advantage”, the labels jumped on the “hey, lets sue people” bandwagon. What they didn’t realize in their stupidity, was that having this mentality only made people want to download even more – I mean, who doesn’t test drive a car before they buy it? This try-before-you-buy ideal wouldn’t hold any weight if labels signed artists for their talent like they used to. Instead, artists are signed for their appeal to the mass market (i.e. tween girls who will listen to just about anything. It is not offensive – it is a fact). What else could explain how our current airwaves are plagued with the likes of Hannah Cyrus, Miley Montana, the Jonas Brothers, and Justin Bieber. Wait, who the fuck is Justin Bieber? Keep reading.
Since Napster’s inception, labels have turned to the same medium that spawned downloading to scope out new talent. It seems as though all you need to be signed in today’s musical climate is a decked out Myspace page with millions of hits (Justin Bieber has it), some appeal to that tween demographic I mentioned earlier (check out the comments on his Myspace page), and no actual talent (….). It amazes me that instead of realizing that most people actually do want to listen to music that takes talent, labels have shoved their heads so far up their own asses that they dig through the Internet looking for new “artists” to sign. Haven’t they realized that there is a reason that Kings of Leon have managed to stay in the top ten sellers at HMV Canada for awhile now? That bands like Alexisonfire and Billy Talent sell? Sure, these are not the best bands in the world, but they at least play and write their own music. Grizzly Bear also made a big splash this year with their opus Veckatimest debuting at #8 on the U.S. Billboard Charts. If they actually had marketing support behind them they could have achieved even greater things. And guess what? They actually deserve it.
The Myspace age is solely responsible for the depletion of the music industry. However, it simultaneously has kept the music industry from finally dying off. Talented bands also get noticed – by smaller labels, of course – and thus there is more to listen to. Still, the major labels are too worried about money (which is understandable, but having dollar signs for eyes doesn’t help their cause), and know who the key demographics are. Which, again, is why Justin Bieber (the brand) exists. As if enough shit didn’t clog up the FM frequencies already, we are treated to a fifteen (yes, that is 15) year old who sings about love. Better yet, he does it without a set of dropped testicles.
But don’t worry, he was signed because he is talented and ahead of his ‘manufactured peers’ (*scoff). His lyrics are really really awesome. Observe:
Me plus you (I’ma tell you one time) [x3]
When I met you girl my heart went knock knock
Now them butterflies in my stomach wont stop stop
And even though its a struggle love is all we got
Ao we gon’ keep keep climbin’ till the mountain topYour world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (and now I’ve got my)Chorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I’ma be your one guy
You’ll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)You look so deep
You know that it humbles me,
Your by my side and troubles them don’t trouble me
Many have called but the chosen Is you
Whatever you want shawty I’ll give it to youYour world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (and now I’ve got my)Chorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I’ma be your one guy
You’ll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)Shawty right there
She’s got everything I need
and I’m gon’ tell her one time (one time)
Give you everything you need
Down to my last dime
She makes me happy
I know where I’ll be
Right by your side cause
She is the oneChorus:
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Lemme tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
And I’ma be your one guy
You’ll be my number one girl
Always makin time for you
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)
I’ma tell you one time
(girl I love, girl I love you)Me plus you (I’ma tell you one time) [x3]
Oh. My. God. Paula Abdul would totally love this crap. Good thing he didn’t show up on American Idol (Yes, I remember that he is Canadian) or else she would scream and cry like never before. Shit is emotional. I really think that “Me plus you (I’ma tell you one time)” is the best lyric ever. The fact that it is repeated three times is brilliant and shows his true talents.
By this point, this article has turned more into a hate piece than Music’s obituary. That is because Mr. Bieber (holy shit I just called a fifteen year old “Mr.”) wrote – actually probably didn’t write – it for me. But let me clear something up: I do not hate Justin Bieber the person. He is probably a nice little boy that likes to play Xbox 360 (give me brownie points for referencing his shitty video) and hang out with his friends. What I fucking despise is Justin Bieber the brand. Record labels have no shame. Not only have they stripped Music of its dignity, but they have taken it away from this kid as well. Actually scratch that – this kid is already making a lot of money, and will continue to do so long after people have forgotten who he is. I give him one album tops. Remember Soulja Boy? Okay, better question: do you remember a song Soulja Boy has released other than “Crank That”? Didn’t think so.
Unfortunately, the formula of mass marketing for these talentless people has been successful (for today’s market). Almost every artist that is groomed to be the next big thing actually becomes it. And until this cycle is broken – that is, the cycle that simultaneously creates best-selling ‘artists’ and slowly sucks the life out of the music industry like a vampire from Twilight – the labels won’t learn.
So I leave you with the shallow and terrible video for “One Time”. Remember, if you want to sing along, the lyrics are up top. This song will probably show up on Don’t Forget The Lyrics in ten years – at least you’ll have a chance to win some money. Also, why the fuck does Usher appear in this? Jesus Christ.
And just so you don’t have to say it – yes, I am actually really jealous of little Justin Bieber and he is such a cutie and his music rox blah blah blah. Grow up.
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